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LOYALTY QUIZ

Do you support Governor Greg Abbott with your entire heart, and mind? Take this short, completely unbiased quiz to find out just how loyal you really are.

Your results may determine your eligibility to continue living in Texas without critical thinking.

Question 1:

 

Greg Abbott banned mask mandates during a global pandemic because…

  • A) Freedom is more important than survival

  • B) Viruses respect personal liberty

  • C) Science is a coastal elite scam

  • D) I get all my health advice from bumper stickers

Question 2:

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Texas ranks 50th in mental healthcare access. Greg Abbott’s solution is to:

  • A) Blame Chicago

  • B) Pray harder

  • C) Deport mental illness

  • D) Launch a campaign to criminalize sadness

Question 3:

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Which of these do you think should have more rights in Texas?

  • A) A zygote

  • B) A gun

  • C) A statue of a Confederate general

  • D) A human woman (this answer will be flagged and reviewed by authorities)

Question 4:

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When Greg Abbott signed a law to hang the Ten Commandments in classrooms, it was because:

  • A) He ran out of ways to distract from real issues

  • B) He thinks Moses wrote the Texas Constitution

  • C) Jesus voted straight-ticket Republican

  • D) He believes public school kids need religion more than breakfast

Question 5:

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If satire becomes illegal under House Bill 366, what will you miss most?

  • A) Memes that accidentally tell the truth

  • B) Joking about how bad things are so I don’t scream

  • C) The concept of humor in general

  • D) I’ve already reported this question to the Texas Ethics Commission

Question 6:

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What do you love most about Greg Abbott?

  • A) His spine (never used)

  • B) His firm stance against people having fun

  • C) His ability to confuse cruelty with leadership

  • D) I don’t know, but my dad likes him, and I’m afraid of change​

Question 7:

 

Greg Abbott banned abortion in Texas because:

  • A) Controlling women polls better than fixing the grid

  • B) Forced birth is cheaper than healthcare

  • C) He believes his religion belongs in your uterus

  • D) He’ll protect a fetus at all costs, just not the kid, the mother, or the truth

Question 8:

 

When children are gunned down in Texas schools, Greg Abbott:

  • A) Sends condolences and signs another bill to arm teachers

  • B) Blames mental health, then slashes the budget for it

  • C) Praises “Second Amendment solutions” to First Grader problems

  • D) Does nothing, because dead kids can’t vote, but the NRA sure can

Results:

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If you answered mostly A’s:
You're a textbook Texan, if the textbook was banned for containing facts. Congrats!

 

Mostly B’s:
You may be showing signs of independent thought. Please report to your local indoctrination checkpoint.

 

Mostly C’s:
You are dangerously close to reading a book. Step away from all libraries and log onto Truth Social.

 

Mostly D’s:
We regret to inform you that Greg Abbott considers you a threat to his power and will have you deported to Austin.

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